Loss
by sharks.with.lasers
Summary: All the things Lin has lost; and, in the end, why they have propelled her forward.


Romance

Lin's insides were churning. She knew things weren't the way they used to be, but maybe after tonight they could fall back in love again. Lin internally shook her head. That was a bigger crock of shit than the lies she and Tenzin had been exchanging.

_I'm fine._

_Nothing's wrong._

_I'm not upset._

Still, regardless of all of these things, she was sure Tenzin would do the honorable thing. He'd marry her, and stay with her, for their child's sake. She didn't think he'd mind. Lin didn't think she'd mind either. They'd both just want what was best for the child, right? After all, she would be carrying the next generation of air benders, maybe, or an earth bender to carry on the Beifong legacy.

"Lin," Tenzin said, a little sadly. "We should talk."

Lin had known Tenzin all her life. She knew what he had to say.

"It's Pema, isn't it?" Lin said quietly, the news of their child dying in her throat.

"I'm so sorry, Lin. Just know that I'll always love you, and I'm here."

Typical airbender, Lin thought. Avoiding conflict, and remaining peaceful. She didn't want Tenzin to be pensive and meditative right now. She wanted to scream at him, and for him to scream back. She wanted to yell so loudly that Republic City itself would shake. But he wouldn't do that, so she won't waste the effort.

Lin walked away, her head held high. She wouldn't cry over Tenzin. He wasn't worth her tears.

She never needed her father growing up, and neither did her baby.

New Family

Lin laid on the sheet, her knees bent.

"I'm so sorry, Lin," her Aunt Katara said gently. "There was nothing I could do."

Despite her aunt's advice to not look down, Lin can't help it. She needs to look; to see. Blood smeared Lin's thighs, pooling in the area between her legs. It makes her woozy, but she forced herself not to pass out. Could one person even have that much blood?

The baby was tiny, about the size of one of Lin's calloused hands. Her baby-her beautiful baby-was a girl. She looked as if she was made of clay, and hadn't been finished. She was blue. And small. Oh, so small. And absolutely the most beautiful thing Lin had ever seen.

Tears streamed down Lin's face. Her throat was thick.

"Can I hold her?" Lin choked out.

Katara paused, as if to tell Lin that wasn't a good idea, but instead nodded her consent.

Lin cradled her baby to her chest, her body shaking slightly with the sobs she was trying so hard to repress.

Katara turned to leave, knowing Lin wanted to be left alone.

"Aunt Katara," Lin said, her voice thick and quivering.

Katara turned, face full of empathy. It made Lin feel worse.

"Please don't tell Tenzin."

Katara looked disappointed, but nodded.

Lin cradled her stillborn baby to her chest, allowing her sobs to overtake her.

Nobody warned Lin that her body would still prepare for the baby that had passed on. She still lactated, and it was painful. When her body realized there was no baby to care for, the milk dried. But not without more pain. It was like her body was grieving, too.

Old Family

People from all over the world attended Toph Beifong's funeral. They traveled from the farthest corners of the world, both to pay their respects, and to confirm that the mighty Toph Beifong could, in fact, die. Everyone walked on eggshells near Lin.

Not that Lin was paying attention. She was concentrating on the emotions battling inside her body, attempting to repress them. Toph wouldn't want Lin to fall apart.

There was, of course, the overwhelming depression. She would never see her mother again. Toph would never again express her pride. Her booming laugh would never again echo. She couldn't hold Lin and tell her everything would be alright.

There was also the anger. She was pissed off at everyone who was walking on eggshells near her. She was even angrier at Tenzin, who had the nerve to tell her that he was still there, if she needed to talk.

She was angry at herself, for not doing more. For arguing with her mother frequently when she was alive, not visiting her as frequently as she could've, not telling her she loved her more. Most of all, she was angry with herself because she wasn't there to hold her mother's hand while she passed on into the Spirit World.

Most of all, though, Lin was angry at her mother, for leaving her.

From the anger stemmed the guilt. She felt guilty for being angry at people who were just trying to be nice. She felt guilty for grudging her mother her well-deserved rest.

Lin was also filled to the brim with anxiety. Ever since her childhood, her mother had been a strong, constant figure in her life. Lin went to her first with the things that filled her heart with joy, and the things that made her heart break. Nobody could ever take her place. And if Toph Beifong could die, then anybody could. At any time.

Lin didn't cry when the black casket that would serve as her mother's final resting place was lowered into the ground. Her mother wouldn't have wanted her to.

Instead, she saved all of her tears for her home.

"Why'd you have to go, Mom?" Lin asked, not expecting an answer, and not receiving one.

A Confirmation

Lin was furious when she received the invitation.

It was the kind of invitation she would've never sent out, but she supposed Pema adored it. It was white, with butterflies and Air Nomad swirls on it. It was perfumed with a sweet, floral scent.

Lin scowled. Pema was little more than a child.

Was this invitation her idea? As some form of mockery? It was almost saying, "Look, you really did lose him. See? Now he's mine forever" in Pema's irritating, nasally voice.

Or maybe it was Tenzin, as some peace offering. As if anything could repair the rift that had grown between them.

Didn't matter either way, she decided. She threw the invitation in the fire.

Through the tag-team effort of Honora, Kya, and Bumi, Lin was worn down.

"Fine," she eventually snapped at a smirking Honora. "I'll go."

And go she did.

"I hate this," she growled in her head. On the outside, however, her face was perfectly cool.

"Lin," Tenzin said, genuinely happy. "I'm so glad you could make it."

And he was. She could've slapped him.

Career

Within a short period of time, her work as Chief of Police was ripped out from under her, as if it had been some carpet she was foolish enough to stand on. Her metalbenders had probably already lost their bending. Her reputation-what was left of it-was in shambles. Most of the city was calling for her dismissal.

That isn't why she gave in, though. Her mother had always taught her not to care what other people said or thought, which is why she blandly rolled her eyes one slow news day a year or two back when a reporter asked her if she still harbored feelings for Tenzin.

No. She stepped down for her metalbenders.

It didn't hurt as bad as she thought to lose the title of Police Chief. Maybe because she was giving herself over to a higher purpose.

It was a decidedly harder blow to find that her metalbenders had had their bending stolen from them.

Bending

Lin knew what she had to do the second she saw the airships pick up speed. She wasn't really upset doing it. After all, her life was a small price to pay in exchange for the continuation of a race and the safety of a family.

Yes, Lin Beifong was fully prepared to die taking out the airships. But at least she'd be taking Amon with her.

She didn't hesitate in her duty, even as she finished with the first airship.

She knew the second one wouldn't be as easy, and was not disappointed.

Lin didn't beg for her bending. She wouldn't grovel, or sell out the Avatar. She was a Beifong, and Beifongs were brave.

In fact, she tilted her head back to meet Amon's hand.

It was torturous. She felt as if something inside of her had been ripped apart. She fell forward with her pain, hitting the cobblestones and lying motionless.

Nothing she'd experienced could prepare her for this. The earth felt dead and quiet. To lose the earth was among the most painful things that had ever happened to Lin.

Regardless, Lin got back up.

Conclusion

The universe could take from her whatever it wanted. She was a Beifong, and Beifongs always got back up.

Getting back up after losing her bending was both the easiest and the hardest time she had to force herself to continue forward. Though she had lost a major part of herself, and her last connection to her mother; she had gained an advantage.

Lin Beifong officially had nothing left to lose.


End file.
